Primantiism - The Denominations and Beliefs

The menu is divided every three sandwiches, so I'll try to include some extra commentary when I complete every section.  The first, the divisions of Primantiism, so you can figure out where you stand in this church of sammiches.

I like to think of Primantiism as a religion, because it has tenets and some things are sacred and should never be broken, and some things are sacrilegious and should never be done. But it's a sandwich religion, that dictates only what kind of bread-surrounded beliefs you should have.

The overall:
Primantiism - The belief that sandwiches should come with vinegar-based coleslaw and french fries directly in the sandwich, which should then be referred to as a sammich. Born in Pittsburgh as a reflection of the blue collar city and its citizens, exported to the rest of the world as an ambassador of our way of life in the Steel City.

But there are many different schools of thought that are included in this, and it is important to identify correctly:

Orthodox Primantiism - These people believe that the Smallman Street location, the original Primanti Bros., is the only true Primantis restaurant. None of the other locations come close to the magic of the original and therefore should be counted. The grease, the murals, the 24 hour service, the extremely scary underground bathrooms, et al., create the perfect experience of blue collar Pittsburgh life, and there's a reason why every time Primantis is shown on television, and it often is, goes to the original spot. It is the opinion of the Reformed Primantiists that these people are right, to an extent, their opinions should be respected, until they refuse to go to another Primantis. Sure, it might not be the same, but the food's still good.

Reformed Primantiism - The beliefs of this blogger. Reformed Primantiism acknowledges the importance of the Smallman Street location as the centerpoint of Primantis. It is a special place and should be revered as such. However, it is cash only, there are fewer people working so special things are more difficult, the refills are slower coming (and used to not exist), and there's often less space, so we accept the suburban locations as a more restaurant-style experience where longer hanging-out can happen and serve as a true extension of the original. However, we want it to be an extension, perhaps a translation of the original, not a significantly different experience. Therefore, changes such as plastic cups (from the original paper), steel plates (as opposed to the paper boats originally used, which is a logical extension of the wax paper used at Smallman Street), and uncut sandwiches stabbed with a knife (as opposed to a nice clean cut) are not accepted under Reformed Primantiism.

Catholic Primantiism - "Catholic" in the sense of the word's meaning of "united", they believe that all of the locations, including the new out-of-state locations as being equal among the suburban locations, no matter what their decor or who they paint on the walls, they are all Primantis, and they are all good. They recognize that the Smallman Street Primantis is the "first among equals" and the best Primantis, but otherwise the rest are all ok. Changes are slowly accepted, the plastic cups were probably a good idea. The steel plates upgrade the experience a bit and are probably better for the servers. The expanded menu gives more opportunities. And so on. They pick and choose and make good judgements over time. They are all for expansion, because it gets the sandwiches to more people, and that's generally a good thing.

United Primantiism - They accept all the expansion and changes because Primantis did it. They believe the Primantis locations to be equal, and that getting a sammich at a suburban location or out of state is as good as getting one in the Strip District. These are people who got a sandwich at a ballpark on a road trip to Pittsburgh and are happy to tell everyone else how great it was. Good for the brand, but this author doesn't believe that they know what all they're missing at Smallman Street.

Baptist Primantiism - Those who are not born into Primantiism, respecting the sammich from birth, but are converted later in life. Often the loudest and the quickest to celebrate the true food, they are a difficult group to keep up with and are often forgotten as one of the controlling sects because of their fervor. These people typically are from somewhere else in the country, but they knew a Pittsburgher, and that Pittsburgher showed them the proper way, in a good place, and showed them the ropes, and they became a believer in the great experience. They are typically not ok with change and reform, because they know the way they experienced it was the right way, and they'd hate for that to change with anyone else.

I'm sure there are others, and if you feel you have a situation that does not fit in with these, please comment and let me know, we'll come up with the correct label and set the record straight!

As always, we close with the rallying cry of the entire city of Pittsburgh,

Go Steelers!

Around the World 3 - Cheese Combo - Not Bad, Still Wouldn't Order

I am going Around the World on the Primantis menu, eating every sandwich, in order.

Third on the list is the Cheese Combo, another sandwich that defies the "double meat" option, because it is meatless. Thankfully, it is the last meatless sandwich on the menu.

Unfortunately, I forgot to ask for it on the heel cut in half...I got too complacent, put too much trust in my favorite server, and it's true, I didn't order what I should have. Oh well. There are worse things.

This presentation, uncut and stabbed in the back, is not accepted by the Reformed Primantiists.

Once again, there's no meat in there. But there is quite a bit of Swiss, American, and Provolone cheese in there. It's nice and stringy and thick, but it's just not the same as meat in there.

See how that bottom piece of bread is almost nonexistent? That's why you get it on the heel.

Honestly, there was a lot of flavor there. I was surprised. Pleasantly surprised. After the "Deluxe" Double Egg and Cheese, which was incredibly bland, this was pretty decent. 

It's the Primantis version of a grilled cheese sandwich. It's gooey, it's thick, it has that perfect amount of chewiness...but it lacks the punch of protein. When you'd get bites that didn't have much coleslaw, it actually tasted like cheese fries in sandwich form. Like, french fries, slathered in cheese, on bread. That's a good flavor. It was quite tasty. But it just wasn't better than anything with meat or a protein on it. 

Look, if it's a Friday in Lent and you can't have meat, and you don't like fish, this would be a good choice. It's probably the best vegetarian option, in my opinion (but, full disclosure, I haven't had the colossal fish sandwich yet), but otherwise, there's no reason to get this. 

This was a good sandwich...but I'd still never order it again.

Taste: 6 Good...but not great. No real wow factor, and it isn't going to overtake much.

Satisfaction: 2 No meat, not much body...it's just cheese. That's not enough.

Flavor: 7 It actually packs a good flavor, and in some bites, it was fantastic.

Enjoyable: 5 Only because of those moments where it tasted like cheese fries

Pittsburghness: 1 Cheese is good, but cheese is a Wisconsin thing, not a Pittsburgh thing. We're a meat-and-potatoes (usually wrapped in pasta dough) kind of city...this is not a sammich.

Should I get this sandwich? No. Unless you really want cheese or you're in a vegetarian non-fish situation, there's no reason to do this when so many other good things are on the menu.

Around the World 2 - Deluxe Double Egg & Cheese - Do People Order This?

I am going Around the World on the Primantis menu, through every sandwich, in order.

Second on the menu is the Deluxe Double Egg & Cheese. Sandwiches like this are why I waited so long to start a project like this: It just didn't seem all that appealing. My first thoughts were, "what if I order an egg on it? Would they do it? Deluxe Triple Egg & Cheese?" and "What if I get double meat? does egg count as a meat? It usually doesn't during Lent. Is that the Deluxe Quadruple Egg and Cheese, or does it simply not happen?"

But I ordered it anyway, and this is it:

There's egg under all that

It's your standard Primanti sandwich, but instead of meat, there was a bunch of fried egg. As someone who is used to getting egg on their sandwich, it seemed like there truly was something missing...namely a meat flavor. Egg brings out other flavors on a sandwich typically. I didn't think it brought out the coleslaw or french fry flavors, those flavors certainly didn't make much of an appearance like what you saw with the Pitts-burger. 

There's just no meat there.

I'll admit, after the first half of the sandwich, I slathered it in Red Devil Hot Sauce, which made it at least a bit better. I was in search of flavor, and I simply wasn't getting it. 

It was bland. There's no way around it. If you were there for breakfast, this might be a good sandwich...but there are options with bacon and eggs, which have to be better than this. The only reason to order this is if you're a vegetarian who doesn't mind eggs...which I don't think is common (though I could be wrong, I really don't know), or if it's Lent and you really don't like fish. 

It wasn't a bad sandwich, but I won't be ordering it again.

Taste: 5 It wasn't bad, just bland. Egg alone isn't enough for this kind of sandwich.

Satisfaction: 2 I had to add hot sauce just to get flavor, and egg doesn't stay together well. It was difficult to keep this sandwich in one piece, which did not help the overall experience.
Flavor: 1 I can't imagine a sandwich from this place with less taste. Again, not bad, just absent.
Enjoyable: 3 If it were bad, it'd be less enjoyable. But this was certainly not enjoyable.
Pittsburghness: 0 This sandwich is no sammich, Western PA has a lot more flavor than this.

Overall: 3 Not awful, but certainly not good

Should I get this sandwich? No. There's no real reason to get this. Look elsewhere on the menu.

Around the World 1 - The Pitts-burger - The Standard

I am going Around the World on the Primantis menu, through every sandwich, in order.

You have to start somewhere, and the top of the menu is Primanti's #2 best seller (What's #1, everyone asks? Iron City Beer, of course. You have to wash that sammich down with something), the Pitts-burger.

This is the sammich, on the heel:

It's not the prettiest presentation, but it's all there.

The Pitts-burger often gets labeled as a cheesesteak, but I don't think that's very accurate. It's a burger, a rather thick, very dense burger. Everything in it is finely ground, and whatever binder they use is fantastic, because this patty does not fall apart. It's a wonderfully meaty thing, with an interesting smoky, peppercorn flavor that pops up every few bites.

This sandwich has an extremely well-balanced profile. You taste the burger, french fries, coleslaw, and bread equally. Nothing overpowers anything else. In many other sandwiches, the meat shines and the flavor is all there. This accentuates the rest of the sandwich. This is a beautiful example of what Primantis sells.

Split it open and look at that profile!

If you've never been to Primantis before, and you want a sandwich that will tell you what the restaurant is all about, this is the sandwich for you. This will let you enjoy the Primantis experience in a single sitting, and that's something worth celebrating.

That said, there are things that are much more delicious, where the meat truly shines in its Primantis trappings, there are much better sammiches here...but nothing encapsulates the entire experience quite like this one.


Taste: 7 - Extremely solid. Not a darn thing wrong with it, but there is definitely room for improvement.
Satisfaction: 9 - It's filling, and you feel like you had a really full sandwich with some heft to it.
Flavor: 7 - Again, it's there, and it's good, but you can't give this a 10 when there are other things that are more flavorful
Enjoyable: 10 - The balance is great, this is a great sandwich.
Pittsburghness: 10 - It's a Steel City staple, it reflects the city so well, this is Pittsburgh.

Overall: 8 It's a darn good sammich, but there is better at Primantis.

Should I get this sandwich? Yes. Absolutely. Especially if this is your first time.

Around the World - Trying Every Sammch at Primantis.

I have set for myself a goal to go "around the world" for the Primantis menu, to try each and every sandwich.

I almost always get my favorite - Capicola and Egg, on the Heel, cut in half. That gets you into a bit of a rut, and it was high time to try something new.

First, an explanation of my key sammich.
Usually, you always see a Primanti sandwich like this:

Typical sandwich

The bread is a slice of Italian bread, piled thick. However, the reality is that the bread gets squished down rather quickly, gets a bit soggy, and simply is not enough to contain all of the goodness going on.

What most people don't realize is that for no extra charge, you can get your sandwich "on the heel", which uses the heel of the loaf, which is usually discarded. The extra crust adds a whole lot of support and enclosure for the contents of the meal, and the crust is surprisingly thin and delicious. It's a great upgrade that everyone needs to try.

On the Heel

The thing is, getting it On the Heel means it is typically served as one piece, whereas Primanti Sandwiches are typically cut in half. (Though the suburban locations are trying some thing where they don't cut it and instead hand you a knife. I don't like it.) I like having the halftime between sections of my sammich, I find it to be a good breather. So if you want the more traditional experience with a better-constructed meal, ask for it "On the heel, cut in half."

Second, the egg. You can add a fried egg to any sandwich for $.50, and it's very worth it. Egg enhances the flavor of the meats involved and adds a nice bit of savoriness that doesn't always happen on its own. It's something you should get.

I also usually like to leave off the tomato...but that's completely personal preference.

The Methodology

Every sandwich on the menu will be eaten in order of appearance. The suburban menu will be used first, based on what is in my closest location in Harmarville. I will then add in things from the Smallman Street location as I can. 

Each sandwich will be ordered On the Heel, cut in half.

The second half of the sandwich can be altered if something within Primantiism's standards can be done (like add Red Devil hot sauce to it), but the first half will be eaten as it comes.

The Ratings

All are on a 10 scale, 1 being Terrible, 10 being The Best

Taste: How appealing is the taste? How well does everything work together?
Satisfaction: Was this a joy to eat, or was it a mess? Was it filling, or was it lackluster?
Flavor: Just how strong is that flavor? This will say if something is bland or is missing something.
Enjoyable: How was it to eat? Did I have to put it back together a bunch? Alter it?
Pittsburghness: Is this a sandwich or a sammich? Can a Pittsburgher be proud of this production?
Should I get this sandwich? Yes or no, is this worth getting?

The first two are already done, I just have to write them up. Stay tuned and enjoy!

Primantiism - An Overview of a Religion

If you're here, you probably know what Primanti Bros. is. It's a restaurant chain based in Pittsburgh, founded in 1933 made famous, or "almost famous" as they like to say, for their style of putting french fries and coleslaw directly on the sandwich.

The sandwich, or as Pittsburghers say, "sammich", featured french fries and coleslaw on the sandwich so that truck drivers and steel workers could eat an entire meal with one hand so they could keep working. It's a truly blue-collar sandwich, the rarest of things, a meal that reflects the hardworking nature of a city. Primantis and Pittsburgh go hand in hand.

The original Primantis location is on Smallman Street in Pittsburgh's Strip District, is open 24 hours a day, and has many things not available at the suburban locations, like a knockwurst sandwich and a breakfast special, but its bare-bones downtown approach also makes many things ubiquitous at the suburban locations, like plastic cups and paying with a card, unavailable. The original Smallman Street location is very different from the suburban locations, even though it is the same chain. Many people know this and understand it, and there are definitely fans who will only go to this lovely downtown dive.  It's a wonderful place with fantastic food and its murals are a city staple.

Smallman Street Location

Primantiism

Now, as for the religion. It's not a real religion, this isn't meant to replace anything, but when you have a ritual long enough, talk about things that you should and should not do (like getting fries on the side...you just don't do that!), and feature existential questions about how great certain foods can be...it might as well be. 

I'm not above using Primantiism as my religion on official forms. If you want to throw someone for a loop, it seems the perfect thing to do.

This really came to light with Primantis advertising the ability to ship their sammiches anywhere in the world, where you would put them together yourself and call it a Primanti sammich. I said this was sacrilege, almost as bad as them painting Clevelander Drew Carey on the walls of their Erie, PA location (I've talked with corporate about that, I'm not happy). But, there's only so much you can do.

I posted the following on facebook:

For those of you noticing the story about Primanti Brothers offering a method to ship their "almost famous" sammiches all over, I would like to issue a statement from my own congregation, the First Church of Primantis, Reformed (Better known as Reformed Primantiists):
Just because you have the ingredients of a Primanti sammich, does not mean that you have a Primanti sammich. Everything from the fry oil to the leftover grease of the flat-top to the love that's cooked into every morsel adds to this delectable dish that represents our beloved Steel City in a single, filling, sammich. It is greater than the sum of its parts and unless it is freshly cooked and assembled at a Primanti Brothers restaurant, it simply isn't the same; it is only a pale imitation. Go Steelers.

For those of you wondering about Primantiism, it's a thriving religion in Western PA and has many outposts from its missionaries gone far afield in the world, teaching the true best sammich. The Reformed Primantiists believe that all Primantis locations are acceptable, whereas Orthodox Primantiists will only acknowledge the Smallman Street location in the Strip District as a true Primantis. However, we are not as free-wheeling as those heathen United Primantiists who accept every edict of Primantis, like getting rid of paper cups, using real plates, and letting the diner cut the sammich with their own steak knife, ALL THINGS THAT THE REFORMED PRIMANTIISTS KNOW TO BE HERESY! It's a complicated religion, but in the end, we all accept the universal truth that sammiches are meant to include french fries and coleslaw, and even if you augment that with a fried egg, Red Devil Sauce, or Heinz Ketchup, we accept you as our own.
Go Steelers.

In the comments, a friend said,
I eat at Primantis Harmar all the time. The food is excellent but it's not the real deal when it comes to the experience. The real experience is sitting close enough that you feel the heat from the flat top and even are at risk of getting hit with some grease. Nothing makes me cringe more when out-of-towners talk about going to Primantis for the first time... in CRANBERRY.
To which I replied,
ah, leaning more towards Orthodox Primantiism, I see. Nothing wrong with that, it's an excellent food faith, but it's a little strict for a lot of people.
Personally, I never have a problem with the suburban locations. I'll have to try Grove City, Erie, and Wheeling at some point to test if they're up to snuff.
But, like a Protestant at the Vatican, we still recognize where the center of Primantiism exists and know it to be something truly special, even if you can't get free refills lol

and the following comment made:
I'm.not convinced, even me a outsider new Englander who grew up on the overrated sandwich's of kellys roast beef has converted to the true light (and heart disease causing) of true primantiism I am the part of the radical sect that gets brought in once people forget the goodness of the true primanti. yes sir I was baptized in the grease of the strip district

This is the real deal. 

So this blog is dedicated to the enjoyment of Primanti Brothers and their food, and was created centrally because I am going "around the world" on the menu, having one of each sandwich, and needed somewhere to talk about what I've eaten and learned.

Go Steelers!