Primantiism - An Overview of a Religion

If you're here, you probably know what Primanti Bros. is. It's a restaurant chain based in Pittsburgh, founded in 1933 made famous, or "almost famous" as they like to say, for their style of putting french fries and coleslaw directly on the sandwich.

The sandwich, or as Pittsburghers say, "sammich", featured french fries and coleslaw on the sandwich so that truck drivers and steel workers could eat an entire meal with one hand so they could keep working. It's a truly blue-collar sandwich, the rarest of things, a meal that reflects the hardworking nature of a city. Primantis and Pittsburgh go hand in hand.

The original Primantis location is on Smallman Street in Pittsburgh's Strip District, is open 24 hours a day, and has many things not available at the suburban locations, like a knockwurst sandwich and a breakfast special, but its bare-bones downtown approach also makes many things ubiquitous at the suburban locations, like plastic cups and paying with a card, unavailable. The original Smallman Street location is very different from the suburban locations, even though it is the same chain. Many people know this and understand it, and there are definitely fans who will only go to this lovely downtown dive.  It's a wonderful place with fantastic food and its murals are a city staple.

Smallman Street Location

Primantiism

Now, as for the religion. It's not a real religion, this isn't meant to replace anything, but when you have a ritual long enough, talk about things that you should and should not do (like getting fries on the side...you just don't do that!), and feature existential questions about how great certain foods can be...it might as well be. 

I'm not above using Primantiism as my religion on official forms. If you want to throw someone for a loop, it seems the perfect thing to do.

This really came to light with Primantis advertising the ability to ship their sammiches anywhere in the world, where you would put them together yourself and call it a Primanti sammich. I said this was sacrilege, almost as bad as them painting Clevelander Drew Carey on the walls of their Erie, PA location (I've talked with corporate about that, I'm not happy). But, there's only so much you can do.

I posted the following on facebook:

For those of you noticing the story about Primanti Brothers offering a method to ship their "almost famous" sammiches all over, I would like to issue a statement from my own congregation, the First Church of Primantis, Reformed (Better known as Reformed Primantiists):
Just because you have the ingredients of a Primanti sammich, does not mean that you have a Primanti sammich. Everything from the fry oil to the leftover grease of the flat-top to the love that's cooked into every morsel adds to this delectable dish that represents our beloved Steel City in a single, filling, sammich. It is greater than the sum of its parts and unless it is freshly cooked and assembled at a Primanti Brothers restaurant, it simply isn't the same; it is only a pale imitation. Go Steelers.

For those of you wondering about Primantiism, it's a thriving religion in Western PA and has many outposts from its missionaries gone far afield in the world, teaching the true best sammich. The Reformed Primantiists believe that all Primantis locations are acceptable, whereas Orthodox Primantiists will only acknowledge the Smallman Street location in the Strip District as a true Primantis. However, we are not as free-wheeling as those heathen United Primantiists who accept every edict of Primantis, like getting rid of paper cups, using real plates, and letting the diner cut the sammich with their own steak knife, ALL THINGS THAT THE REFORMED PRIMANTIISTS KNOW TO BE HERESY! It's a complicated religion, but in the end, we all accept the universal truth that sammiches are meant to include french fries and coleslaw, and even if you augment that with a fried egg, Red Devil Sauce, or Heinz Ketchup, we accept you as our own.
Go Steelers.

In the comments, a friend said,
I eat at Primantis Harmar all the time. The food is excellent but it's not the real deal when it comes to the experience. The real experience is sitting close enough that you feel the heat from the flat top and even are at risk of getting hit with some grease. Nothing makes me cringe more when out-of-towners talk about going to Primantis for the first time... in CRANBERRY.
To which I replied,
ah, leaning more towards Orthodox Primantiism, I see. Nothing wrong with that, it's an excellent food faith, but it's a little strict for a lot of people.
Personally, I never have a problem with the suburban locations. I'll have to try Grove City, Erie, and Wheeling at some point to test if they're up to snuff.
But, like a Protestant at the Vatican, we still recognize where the center of Primantiism exists and know it to be something truly special, even if you can't get free refills lol

and the following comment made:
I'm.not convinced, even me a outsider new Englander who grew up on the overrated sandwich's of kellys roast beef has converted to the true light (and heart disease causing) of true primantiism I am the part of the radical sect that gets brought in once people forget the goodness of the true primanti. yes sir I was baptized in the grease of the strip district

This is the real deal. 

So this blog is dedicated to the enjoyment of Primanti Brothers and their food, and was created centrally because I am going "around the world" on the menu, having one of each sandwich, and needed somewhere to talk about what I've eaten and learned.

Go Steelers!